It’s alive!
1 July 2008I broke the blog last week, while setting up a new MySQL database. I restored the database immediately, but didn’t know that I had to manually recreate its hostname. So. The blog stayed offline until this morning, when I realised (in a moment of panic) that I’d forgotten a step somewhere. Oops.
The Good:
In addition to fixing the blog (ha), I’ve remodelled and relaunched my photoblog under a new name. You can visit Winterlights through SBH’s gateway, or by clicking the direct link in the navigation bar at the top of this page. The gateway for the main site also has a new splash and colours.
I took a look at the preview for Knitscene’s Fall 2008 issue and there are some cute sweaters and accessories. I even see a couple I could knit from stash yarn–bonus!
Speaking of which… I think it’s stashalong time. I’m fine with the size of the stash, but there are lovely things hiding in there that I’m forgetting about. I’m not going to set an end date for the stashalong, but it’ll be sometime after the end of the summer. Also, when I start work again I want to focus on getting loose ends tied up and loans paid off and some cash saved up and all those things that need to be done to put myself in a better financial situation. I want to get a good plan in place and get it started.
The Bad:
I still have two days until my hospital interview. I’m hoping beyond all reason that I get it, because if I don’t… I don’t know what I’m going to do. I found two fantastic job openings elsewhere, one in the city (and hospital, even!) I was born in and one in Nova Scotia, but how am I supposed to start working and earning a decent salary if I can’t afford to move to where the jobs are? I have $5.75 in my wallet and zero in the bank. The idealist in me wishes that things would fall into place like they seemed to when I started college. The realist knows that this is, most often, not the case.
You know… anxiety disorders are odd things. I’ve had cause to wonder, over the past few weeks, whether I’ve really learned to cope so much better than before, or whether all I’d really done is remove myself from the situations that exacerbated the problems.
I guess I still can’t deal with some kinds of conflict. I also still can’t stand to try to reason with people who are 100% unresponsive to it. We all know people like this: they’ve essentially already made up their minds, often irrationally, about… well, nearly everything. If you offer a different viewpoint or disagree, you can all but see the doors slamming shut in their minds; from that point on they’re neither speaking nor listening and you might as well talk to a wall. I need to learn that some people will not change, and will continue to both make excuses and perpetuate the situations they claim to hate. I need to learn some level of detachment so it doesn’t affect me so much.
It’s a difficult thing to do. I thought I’d managed to rid myself of panic attacks, but I haven’t; they’re not as frequent, severe, or debilitating as before, but they exist, and I don’t like it. Still… 10 months ago, I’d been on meds for more than three years and was still not functioning like an average human being. Now, acquaintances (and the general public) don’t realise that I have these issues until I tell them, and I’ve been medication-free for six months. I’ll claim that as a victory, I think.
The Random:
I flipped through a bunch of old archive folders on this laptop last night, to see if I still needed the files, and in the process came across some XML LiveJournal backups. I’ve had that LJ since 2001, and some of the silliness still amuses me. Like this, from 2004:
Somehow, while talking to my mother about movies-from-books last night, I accidentally said “squid” instead of “peach”. The movie is called James and the Giant PEACH, brain. PEACH.
Ha.
5 Responses to “It’s alive!”
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:24 am PDT
I’d kind of like to see a version with a giant squid. I suspect it would be a much shorter film… *ponders*
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:11 pm PDT
Best of luck for the job, I hope you get the one you want.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:42 am PDT
Any word on the job yet? :) Great pattern Kay :)
July 13th, 2008 at 1:31 pm PDT
Great blog. I’m halfway through my Nursing Refresher and I so remember the Catch 22 of beginning. I wanted to move from my hometown to Vancouver, but they would only hire me casual. I didn’t think I could move away from home without a salary. Hope it goes OK for you.
July 15th, 2008 at 9:52 pm PDT
Some people always believe they are right, won’t listen to anybody, and aren’t rational at all. It is hard discussing this with mental health professionals, because they never seem to believe this. They always seem to think the other person must be trying their best, too. Um, no. Some people just aren’t ever going to change, and no matter how well you communicate or how mentally healthy you are, you can’t change them. I am trying not to let this bug me any longer, and I think I am doing okay with it.